Winter Meetings '09/'10

The CPL braintrust gathered in majestic Hartford, CT over this past weekend to hash out new rules, talk trades, eat chilli and drink beers. It was a very successful event on all fronts.

Minor changes were implemented to the Constitution, most notably a rule about making rules which requires a super-majority of 6 votes to institute any rule changes. The meetings were also highlighted by Fierce Deuce owner Kevin Hadfield's nutmeg chilli, Mike Oleyer's steak tips and a UConn football victory.

Additional Winter Meeting highlights:

"Who wears high-heels to a tailgate?"

"Let's play 'Catch the Coat-hanger'!"

-"'Jesus take the wheel?' That sounds like a bad idea."
-"I think it's a metaphor."

"October 14, 1988"

"Smashmortion"

Playoff Picture Update: 18 Down, 3 To Go

Not surprisingly, week 18 saw the 4 leading teams topple the 4 crappy teams, and the polaroid picture that is the '09 playoffs come further into focus.

It's official: Chuck Norris Death Machine and Mike Greenwell Power have been mathematically eliminated (joining Fierce Deuce), and Zarley Zalapski and Friends and Ole' Bullshit have clinched playoff spots (joining Bangkok Dangerous). Neither Here nor Oleyer got one step closer to clinching their own spot by winning in week 18 while the Hunter Killers lost (so really two steps closer). (Olyere also leads the point race by 70 points.)

With 6 team/games remaining, Oleyer's magic number is 2. It will take a miracle for HK to avoid the loser's tournament.

Week 19 Playoff Implicating Matchups:
Ole' Bullshit at Neither Here Nor Oleyer
Hunter Killers at Chuck Norris Death Machine

Dropped, The Deuce

At 4-13 on the season the Deuce have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention, as Neither Here Nor Oleyer currently sits in the last spot with 9 wins.

The rest of the playoff picture breaks down as follows:

Chuck Norris Death Machine: Hanging by a Thread

CNDM must win out to finish at 9-12 on the season. Oleyer must lose out to finish with the same record. However, Oleyer losing out would ensure at least one more win for the Hunter Killers bringing them to a minimum of 9 wins,as well. Thus, CNDM needs Oleyer to lose every game from here out and for HK to lose every game, except their matchup with Oleyer, AND then beat both teams in the overall points tie-breaker. CNDM is trailing those teams by about 300 and 120 points, respectively, right now. "A snowball's chance in hell" seems overly-optimistic.

Mike Greenwell Power: Hanging by a Burning Piece of Rope

As it stands now, MGP trails the points race to Oleyer and HK by about 400 and 250 points respectively. Viewing this hole as insurmountable, MGP will need to win out to get to 10 wins and take the tie-breaker out of play. Unfortunately, the schedule is not kind, MGP plays the current top 3 teams in the standings in its final 4 games (though the 4th game is against the terrible Fierce Deuce) and doesn't get a head to head matchup with HK or Oleyer.

It's gonna take a Miracle

Hunter Killers: Hot Damn, Walt is in this thing!

At this moment, HK is 1 game and 160 points back of Oleyer. Neither deficit is insurmountable. The week 20 head to head matchup between these two teams is likely to be a must-win for Walt as this week Oleyer is a heavy favorite against the Deuce and HK is matching up with the first place Bangkok Dangerous. But, as long as Walt picks up one out of his next two (he'll be favored in week 19 v. CNDM), week 20 will mean a whole lot.

Neither Here Nor Oleyer: The Driver's Seat of the Playoff Wagon

The points lead, and a matchup with the negligently uncompetitive Fierce Deuce has Oleyer poised to seal up that final playoff spot. Odds are good that Oleyer will still have at least a one game lead going into week 20. That will make the game versus HK a potential knockout punch, without a risk of losing hold of the final playoff spot (assuming no flip-flopping in the points). Nonetheless, this could come down to the wire, as Oleyer has cooled off, losing his last two games.

But don't bet against the reigning champs.

Predictions and stuff

We're a little past the half-way mark, this is where people usually start to make predictions about end-of-the-season awards. So here goes:

The MVP race is almost 100% locked up in both leagues it seems. Pujols is probably getting 10 to 1 odds in favor of him winning the award in Vegas, and really only something as unlikely and cataclysmic as a 30 minute solar eclipse could derail his campaign.

As for the AL, it will take something completely possible, but still very unlikely to keep Morneau from grabbing his 2nd trophy. Morneau will actually get competition, and, it's safe to say, will not win the award unanimously (as Pujols is sure to do) thanks to a big year from Carl Crawford. It would also be unwise to bet against the stupidity masquerading as nostalgia and high-mindedness of the Baseball Writers to cast a bunch of votes for Derek Jeter, who is in fact having a very good season despite passing over the threshold into the age where Hadfield is likely to make him a 3rd round pick. Of course Jeter's old-balls-iness will only make him more popular with writers, who think things like surprising numbers and overcoming adversity (A-rod's steroids and then injury, shaky pitching, or "he's old!" or whatever other bullshit) actually has something to do with being valuable - plus don't forget Jeter's never lost an All-star game!

The Cy Young awards follow a somewhat similar pattern. Fucking screw everything in NL because Dan Haren has an ERA under 2.00 and a WHIP of .80. If you're WHIP is low enough that were it your BAC you would not immediately drop dead, you should win the Cy Young award AND collect an automatic 5 votes (in the form of redeemable chips) towards entering the Hall of Fame. Blah blah blah, Tim Lincecum, blah blah, NL west can't hit for balls, blah blah blah. .8 WHIP, people!

The AL gets a little more dicey as the race appears to be between Greinke and Halladay, w/ King Felix poised to make a stretch run. Halladay is probably the favorite here if he stays in the AL, since people are all up on this guys balls right now. Plus, Greinke has, despite the insanely low ERA, shown signs of being mortal. Halladay is more likely to end up with a higher Win total as well - and Cy Young voters love those W's - and Halladay will rightfully get credit for pitching in the murderer's row that is the AL East. If Halladay gets traded to the Senior Circuit, then the race becomes a little more open as between Hernandez and Greinke.

Johnny Cuet-Oww My Balls!!

-11.17. That's what Cueto did Monday night against the Phillies. A quick scan shows this is likely the worst pitching performance of the season, and it included a 3-run double allowed to Cole Hamels (with two outs).

Overall, Cueto's line looked like this: 2/3 IP, 5 HA, 3 BB, 1 HB, 9 ER. His performance could only have been worse if he castrated himself on the mound and threw his nuts up there. Not. Good.

580.17-304.67

With the 11th 500 point game and second-highest score total of the season, Bangkok Dangerous opened up a tanker of whoop-ass, nearly doubling up the Deuce. Much like an actual Fierce Deuce this game was not pretty, as the BD ("th Kok") dropped 17 HRs, along with 6 Wins and 7 Saves (posting an overall ERA of 2.20).

Deuce Manager/Owner Kevin Hadfield took time from grilling a squirrel during a 4th of July cookout to lambaste his team. "You gotta play with a little something called 'pride.' You can't just stop trying cuz you know you're down by 200 points." Said Hadfield through a mouth of dip, in between spitting into a sippy-cup. "You gotta act like you've got a pair, even when you know you can't win. These guys are giant pussies and I'd kick their asses if I ever met them... and didn't have a bum shoulder."

Meanwhile, that's the 3rd 500 point week for BD, the leagues highest scoring team.

146.3

That's how many points Ole' Bullshit tallied in a single day (June 16). That insane output was notwithstanding a -1.5 performance from Paul Maholm (go figure).

Despite a 5-5 record, Ole' Bullshit is clearly a team no one wants to fuck with because of days like this.