Edwin Jacks-Off!

-15.83. That was the total number of points amassed by Edwin Jackson in fantasy week 4. In his defense - or does this fact work in the complete opposite way - it took him two starts to be this bad.

He allowed 18 ER, and 25 baserunners in 6 and 1/3 innings. Which gives him an ERA higher than his own age (or close)!

CPL historians are providing early reports that this is the worst week in fantasy - and possibly real - baseball history, save for the time in 1902 when the White Sox had a one-legged midget get liquored up and throw 8 innings as a novelty act.

4/22/10

Daniel D(3:33:53PM): I'm sorry if you don't like the rough talk. Now strap on your bike helmet and peddle on over to your glass bubble home and curl up in your fucking Ewok sleeping bag and take a nap. And try not to suck your thumb

From the Chat Board, 4/12/10

Mike O(6:35:29PM): speaking of excrement, i just got back from my poodle walk. about a mile from my apartment, on asylum ave, i was drilled in the back with a waterballoon full of urine.
Mike O(6:35:37PM): great way to end the day.
Kevin H(6:41:34PM): Did someone actually throw a piss balloon at you??
Fenn(7:06:27PM): That's not funny; that's just dangerous.
Javier F(7:06:28PM): I imagine that if you are targeting people to hit with a water balloon a guy with a poodle is an obvious choice because you know he isn't going
to fight back
Fenn(7:07:37PM): Actually its pretty f*ckin hilarious. On Asylum? Was it some local street toughs?
Javier F(7:08:38PM): I never understood how you fill a water balloon with urine, i can guarantee if i tried i would just end up getting piss all over myself.
Mike O(7:10:44PM): it was a drive by, and not only was it thrown at me, but it connected with my upper right shoulder blade and covered me with urine. it was effing fould and i had to walk a mile back to the apt. shirtless, carrying a piss soaked shirt...
Javier F(7:11:48PM): Why didn't you just leave the shirt behind. You must have really liked that shirt
Kevin H(7:12:11PM): How do you do this if you are over the age of thirteen? The prospect of an epic failure of the type mentioned by Javier is enough to chase the idea out of anyone's mind
Nick T(7:12:35PM): WHen I was a kid I had a toy that you filled with water and then ou pumped the water into balloons. It was made to look like a detonator. That was in that hay-day when water guns were really bad-ass. I imagine oyu would need one of those for piss-balloons
Javier F(7:21:32PM): Classic episode of the Wire when they filled the water balloons with piss
Walter W(8:05:22PM): HK = CPL Mets
Javier F(8:27:21PM): There is no reason to talk shit about the Mets
Javier F(8:30:28PM): Has anyone watched any of How to Make it in America? I heard its pretty good
Nick T(8:39:58PM): i really don't like that lead actor from other things
Javier F(8:44:27PM): Thats odd he seems like you're type. Not enough of a bear for you?
Nick T(8:47:06PM): Could be
Nick T(8:48:45PM): Now ALbert Pujols, he's a bear! Man that guy can stick.
Kevin H(8:59:34PM): Rico, Fenn beating me this week doesn't take away your loss from last week
Nick T(9:04:55PM): No but your Goatee means you lose every week
Kevin H(9:31:41PM): Well played sir

2010 Draft Highlights

Another year, another "Mike" championship.

Memorable Quotes from Draft '10:

- He's 37!
- He's 36.
- Ohhhhhhhh!

Standing up sex is a young man's game.

I'm looking forward to going to the strip house.

I'm probably gonna draft this guy from Nicaragua.

When June rolls around, you better get ready to do some dishes, cuz it's gonna be BJ time.

I'm going double Molina!!

These mashed potatoes are toolsy.

This guy's awesome.... defensively.

Draft '10: In the Books!

Owners gathered in Providence, RI this past weekend for the 2010 CPL Draft. A-rod was the first sticker slapped onto the board in a competitive and engaging draft, where he Bud Light flowed like water.

"It was a very strong draft. A lot of veteran names hung around until late rounds because everyone did their homework and had a clear strategy." Said Mike Fenn, owner of the Red Sox-laden Ole' Bullshit.

Owners were also happy with their teams, indivually. "Dude, I like my team, dude. Fucking BJ Upton, dude.... I love that guy!!" Said Hunter Killers owner, Walt Welsh, last year's runner-up, talking about his 6th round selection. "My team is kinda old-ballsy, and kinda young-ballsy." Said Fierce Deuce GM, Kevin Hadfield. "But they are deifnitely ballsy, and that's a big improvement. Just wait 'til I grab Jimmy Edmonds off the waiver wire!"

Even those less impressed with the quality of the draft had positive things to say about draft weekend, like Screaming Featherheads owner, Javier Flores. "Everyone else's picks sucked, and they can all kiss my balls. But that Lobster Mac at the Capital Grille was basically the best thing I've ever experienced, so all in all, this was a great draft."



Although the draft marks the official start to the season, owners ill still have to wait one more painful week before scores start updating.