This Man Hates Baseball (and Kirby Pucket and Freedom)!

Here's a throw-away article about each MLB team appearing in various movies (cuz the Oscars or something). But, when it gets to the Twins, it goes from forgettable to a full-on atrocity with this line:

We'll be honest: We've seen "Rookie of the Year" 20 or so times. Little Big League? Zero. Transformers and Go-Bots as far as we're concerned.

The sentiment of this paragraph is so objectively wrong and self-defeating I am genuinely wondering whether the author believes GoBots was a better cartoon/toy franchise than Transformers. That might just make more sense. In fact, contrasting LBL to RoY should be the go to analogy anytime anyone wishes to compare two categorically similar yet completely qualitatively different things. ("Looks like you brought Rookie of the Year to a Little Big League fight.")

Rookie of the Year is also just such a terrible movie on its own. (GoBots was at least half-decent robots-that-become-vehicles children's programming.) Who wants to watch it even a second time? It makes a mockery of the game with the worst baseball scenes ever put on film. The "bad guy" is the big cross-eyed dude from Revenge of the Nerds. In Little Big League, it's (sort of) Ken Griffey Jr. In LBL, the kid is a FAR better actor (no squeaky voice), and there's no Gary fucking Busey.

This writer is apparently auditioning for a spot in the BBWAA. 

Mediocrity is my Life Force!!

Apparently, nothing says "Hey! Please come up to me and say 'Really? OK, I respect that, I respect that...'" like wearing a Mets T-shirt.

Wearing a Yankees hat/Jersey/bust of Jeter's balls on a chain pretty much anywhere in Boston, other than Fenway Park when the Yankees are in town (and even then), is a serious dick move. You are telling the rest of the world that you are prepared for confrontation up to and including fisticuffs.

Wearing a Mets hat/Jersey/paper bag mask anywhere in the entire United States is a thinly veiled request for sympathy, and an invitation to get mugged. It's slightly better than wearing a T-shirt that says "I'm from Buffalo..."

This Proves Nothing!

Correlation is not causation.

But eating 6,000 calorie burgers every day including Christmas and dying of a heart attack at the bus stop? We can safely say Causation.

This man went out on his own terms though, and in his honor, I am twice as determined to have a meal at that place, one day. ONE day.

Pitchers and Catchers...

.. In 8 days or something? An effing ETERNITY!!

Fun Super Bowl though. Harbaughs, Ray Lewis, yada yada I won $480 in my year-long squares pool by nailing that 7-3 first quarter, bitches!

I'm sorry I missed the silver lining in a Ravens win until the game was over: Pats fans HATE the Ravens, and god do they despise Ray Lewis. If Lewis' family was eaten by alligators there'd probably be a pep Rally at Foxboro with a live performance from Bon Jovi.

Relatedly, Pats fans are really convinced that Lewis personally stabbed like 7 people. They compare his accepting a misdemeanor plea offer with probation to OJs acquittal for murder. This is like comparing the "theory" of creationism with the theory of gravity, as far as supporting evidence goes. And, they seem to get all family values that Lewis has a bunch of kids with a handful of women (note: a bunch > a handful). What a bunch of prudes. (The Golden boy has 2 kids by 2 women which is a worse ratio than Lewis, but it's cool cuz ... He married someone? Who knows?)

Welcome to sports Siberia for the next 6 weeks. Thank god hockey is back.

By the way: did you guys know that the first two picks in Baltimore Ravens history were Jonathan Ogden and Ray Lewis. Good scouting!